can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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