Who did Billy Mays play for?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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