listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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