The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
