At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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