The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
