walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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