I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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