it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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