u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
