come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
