Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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