I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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