what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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