I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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