ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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