I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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