I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
They have beer where we have blood.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
