Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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