Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
