please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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