So drunk its hurt
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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