I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
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You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you