Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.