I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.