I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
