I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
