Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
