I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
there is glitter all over my balls
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
