:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
