I got chris browned last night
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
