Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
