Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
