So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
