You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
