Moan for me like Helen Keller
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
