I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
