Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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