I puked a lego.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
