i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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