i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
