we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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