everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
