you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
