That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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