New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
