I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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