I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
