you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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