just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
