He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
