you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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