I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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