I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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