A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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