i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
