Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
