Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
