He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
