I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
