Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think I won the penis lottery.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
