My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
