Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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