"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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