Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
