i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
