Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
