we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
