I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
