i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
