HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
