just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
